Can I do a better job of reacting to rage? PREPENT5773 Day 12.

Wearing both my personal and professional hats I am thinking about this question a lot recently. When a kid throws a tantrum or an employee turns rude and rebellious or an investor is sullen or MIA – how do I respond in ways that are effective, helpful and not turn to default mechanisms of reactive anger that just spins us all in an endless circle of hurt?

Thanks to parenting advice videos (thanks S.& R.) and some good reading in the spirit of these days of repenting I am reminded of the primary importance of more constructive control. Take a breath or a day before responding, and when you do – with an eye towards better consequences that will yield better results. Think long term outcomes – NOT just the here and now.

The kid will not respond well to threats of punishments (they rarely do), your employee will be ruder and quit, and the investor who snapped will simply vanish.

The Talmud teaches “Don’t judge the other until you have stood in their place”.

Gotta take time to listen to what’s behind the tantrum, rudeness or absence. Try and figure out  the why of whats going on, let the other person know that you hear them, and see what you can do  – together – it about it.

This is also useful to think about one’s own internal conversation – when do I get angry at myself and not think patiently about the bigger picture of my needs, frustrations and rewards?

PREPENT day 12. I look back at the year and way too many gut reactions that reflected none of the above..

I take responsibility for my own bad behaviour, for my less than wise reactions to the offenses of others, and make a short list – another one – of 2 relationships in my life that have proven prone to this form of action/reaction.  Farewell to knee jerk reactions!

With awareness and commitment – what can I do to improve this relationship in the coming year?

(and checking in with those people at this time for an honest conversation if possible is probably not a bad idea either. Sigh. this repentance business is a lot of work… but hopefully -eye on long term consequences – it is worth the present pause.